After many years spent in my bed dreaming as a child, the only walk in life that could suffer me was the entertainment business. I studied, worked, ate, drank, and slept theatre, photography, art, and film all the live long day while growing up and now that I'm in it... I'm not content... I'm not fully satisfied with my work up until now, which reminds me of a famous quote I was given once by a dear professor of mine in college. It comes from a letter written by Martha Graham to Agnes De Mille:

"There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all Time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine: how good it is; nor how valuable it is; nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open ... no artist is pleased...there is no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction; a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others."

That quote has managed to come back and haunt me every day since I've arrived here in LA. I look at my demo reel and realize it needs work, that indeed I need to work on things as an actor. Whenever I sit to watch it for clues or signs, I just sigh. Looking over my resume, I begin to remember every theatre production I've ever been in, professionally or otherwise, during the course of my life. I've seen growth in small spurts in retrospect, but it's the future I look to now, which of course can only be purchased through the great moment of now. Right now everything is scary, everything is exciting, and anything is possible. But what of the past? I did it all with no regrets, and now in this moment I want more. I want more experience, more work, more love, more hate, more failures, more triumphs, and more breakthroughs, more of everything that has made me what I am today. Slowly, the realization that nothing from my past can ever be as good as I can be now is setting in. I moved here in search of the "big gig", "the one", and the proverbial "making it", but now I'm also realizing how many of me there actually are out here. In Hollywood, everyone is put into "types". By s*x, age, race, & look. I know now how tough it is for someone like me, because I have a very original look and just don't fit snuggly into any given one. I may be too Latino for some white roles and too white looking for some Latino roles. THIS scares me a bit. Ultimately, when it comes to casting, most casting directors sometimes have no clue of exactly what they want until they meet you. I mean, it's always up to the three major stars aligning: 1) Time. 2) Place. 3) Presentation.

You ever heard the story of how Michelle Pfeiffer got her start? She was working the register at a supermarket... Ahem. Yep, that's it. So we all know that those scenarios are all few and far between, BUT the truth remains... it will always come down to HOW those three stars align for you when you're ready. Remember: The Universe never gives you more than you can handle. But you have to be ready to take the ride. If the ticket is handed to you, take it, ask questions later, and RUN! As for me, I'll be ready when that ticket comes around. I'm in the right time, the right city, and as for my presentation... All I have to do is smile... nod... and make them p**s their pants or cry like babies. I'm ready. I'm done looking back and I'm hungry for the unknown. Bring it on, Hollywood!